911 - A Modern Fairy Tale

By Douglas Herman

Once upon a time in America, the land of opportunity, a group of
Foreign guys at a Florida strip club said: "Let's get Korans and
boxcutters and hijack airplanes and crash them into skyscrapers."

And so they did.

They bought flight manuals and lap dances, Korans and double
martinis. They took flight lessons and bad photos. But most of all they flew
badly and partied and flunked flight school.

"But how will we deceive NORAD," said one flunky? "And how will
we get past airport security," asked another? "And how many millions should
we invest in Put Options," said a third?

They discovered that NORAD and the Pentagon would be having some
Military exercises on the exact same day they chose for their mission.
Although several top US officials knew in advance not to fly that day,
nobody warned any average citizen.

Next the G-string jihadists outwitted the FBI. They outfoxed the
Bureau's top officials by brilliantly exposing their plans to FBI field
agents months in advance. The plotters seemed to know that the FBI head
honchos would never believe their most patriotic field agents. Instead they
would harass these agents long after the plot unfolded.

Next the 19 outlined their plan. "We'll get past Israeli security at
Logan airport in Boston by posing as Arab terrorists. We won't even
check in or show proper credentials. We'll just go right on through, like

And so they did.

But one BIG problem vexed them greatly. How exactly would steel
skyscrapers, seven of them, fall down once two aluminum airplanes hit them?
So they went bowling and decided that the two airplanes would be like the
bowling ball and the WTC buildings would be like the pins.

Still they wondered: How to make these massive towers, built
with an enormous inner core to withstand 180 mph hurricanes, engineered
to survive the impact of a jumbo jet, actually fall down?

So the 19 flight school dropouts put their minds together and
thought and thought. The Newtonian laws of gravity and physics, and the long
history of burning steel skyscrapers (None had ever fallen down before--or
since) seemed to be against them.

"What if we make the Twin Towers pancake down," said one flunky,
with a face full of buttermilk hotcake? The plotters were all eating a
pre-dawn breakfast special with their bleary-eyed lap dancers. A group of
Iraqi undercover agents, Saddam's finest, had joined them, savoring a
short stack of blueberry pancakes. And so the laws of physics and logic
waffled that day.

"We can also knock down the CIA headquarters in New York City,
demolish the mayor's command post, and wreck the SEC records building while
we're at it, crushing the entire building while smacking the structure with a
few objects the size of an I-beam" said one bright plotter, remembering his
Put Options.

And so they did.

The mighty Pentagon was next to fall. A fortress guarded by
many layers of security, the trillion dollar war toy shopping mall seemed
impregnable. But not to the 19 G-string jihadists.

They had discovered, by trial and error, that it was mush easier
to fly a hijacked jumbo jet with screaming passengers than to control a
small Cessna with a calm instructor beside them. The flew those jumbo jets
like Blue Angels--except better--pulling ten G's before leveling off and
smacking the Pentagon exactly where it had been recently remodeled.

But unfortunately for the G-string jihadists, the Pentagon bigwigs knew
months in advance. The Pentagonals even published a report with
a hijacked plane exactly in the center. They knew no hijacker could ever
score a bull's eye---and they were right.

The flight school dropouts only hit the edge.

But by outflanking, outfighting, and outthinking the combined
resources of the Pentagon, CIA, NSA and FBI,, the flight school dropouts had
succeeded. Sure, they never received their certification in small planes
but they had outfoxed NORAD, Israeli security and the combined resources of
the US Air Force in the airspace over America.

And even more amazing: the 19 strip club afficiandos had engineered their own
deaths to look like deaths. Nearly half of them were still alive
the next day.

Call it a modern mission impossible. 19 flight school dropouts
who couldn't control a Cessna had destroyed seven heavily-insured steel
skyscrapers and the recently remodeled wing of the Pentagon, while outwitting
airport security, smashing CIA and SEC headquarteras in a 47-story New
York skyscraper they hadn't even hit, while devising a brand new
Scientific "pancake" theory. All while remaining alive and forcing the
entire US population to live in terror, utterly taxed for the
unforeseeable future, to pay for the trillions in new war toys and security
measures, in a fruitless manhunt to find the alleged mastermind.

In conclusion, the 19 boxcutter boyz were either the Ultimate
Fighting Champions, or the the above account remains a modern fairy tale,
Fabricated by the very same people who placed those Put Options and
demolition charges and continue to profit today.

USAF veteran and amateur historian, Douglas Herman is the
Controversial author of The Guns of Dallas. He receives mail at